I hate therapy. And I hate my doctor. I'm sick of crying and constantly trying to explain why I overdosed. Even I don't know why I did it. I did it as a favor to mum.
And I feel like a fucking jello. I can still taste the cake I had last night. And I gained. And everything I touch gets ruined. Haha, guess what, the xmas tree fell on me. I was trying to turn off the lamps, and it just fell....jeezee -.-
The good thing about today is that my doctor said I'm allowed to go to Vienna. Like, that will do good. Haha, shopping, here I come :]

The past few days were horrible...hey, guess what? I overdosed again. Last night...dad found me. I was charged from hospital an hour ago. I'm waiting for the decision, wonder what will happen to me now.

Of to my friend. La la la..booring.

I wanna love you now
I wanna take you high
I wanna give you everything that you desire

OMG..like, this cannot be happening. The boob guy will be on the same party as me for New Year's eve.
I. Am. Mad. I hate him. Oh, I haven't said anything about him here. So yesterday, in school, a guy from my class said that my boobs are small, in fact that I don't have them. I was so angry, and yelled at him. I said that I know that, but my boobs are still bigger then his d****... -.- I hate how these things make me so mad, even after a day passing I still can't chill it out. I'm gonna think and do random stuff just to keep myself smashing something.
I was kinda pretty today. Nice. As much as I can be. Just a long black jumper, grey colored skinny jeans and my black heels....naahh...getting bored

Merry Christmas everyone, and happy holidays :]]
It has been a weird Christmas eve dinner for me..haha, I managed to stay under 300 calories, which is good since I thought it will be over 1000. And I lost a bit again. And my 85 year old great aunt, or whatever she is to me, had a really interesting past. Let me explain. While eating (yes, I had to eat in front of everybody, and I almost cried...*sigh*), everybody was talking loudly, except me and her. She admitted me (secretly ofc) having an ed for more then 3 decades. She's recovered now, but still caring about the food amount and calories. So she ate less then 100 calories and gave me a warning to stop eating. The interesting part is that I got a scale from her, and was made to weigh myself in front of her. I regret doing that. She said: "Well, Laura, I had the same weight when I was in my late twenties...do something about it.." So maybe, eds do run in genes. Whatever, her comment didn't bothered me, since I lost few pounds. But still, the rest of the evening I was thinking about her, and how she's 85..haha :D
I got money, gonna spend it on some amazing clothing that scale and loads of chocolate (gave them to my sister and cousins), and of course socks...just like every year.

Hungry. Sleepy. Today is the last day in school. Finally. I still have to study, so that's my excuse for not sleeping. And as every year, my Christmas present shopping is left for the last day. After school I'm going to buy something, nothing special though....and then I'll go with my friends to a cafe.....we are planning a trip to Vienna...so we'll see what's gonna happen.

I was to lazy to post last night. And, today was even better. He finally started talking to me, well, he's trying, because now I don't want to talk with him...actually I do, but I'm gonna show him how it feels being ignored. I'll probably fail, since I enjoy talking to him so much. The way he smiles, talks and looks at me.. *blush*
Need to stop with this pathetic bullshit. Hate being in love...and he smells soo good...I apologize for this behavior, he does this to me.
School sucked today. PE teacher fucked me up. Friends were great today. I had an emotional break down in school , cried so much , but they were full of support. They really cheered me up. Love them for that.
You know that Hayley Williams orange hair color? I want it. Hahaha, yes, I'm black now, so dunno how it's gonna look, but I want it. I think it would fit me. Still have to have mums permission and I'm working on it hard. Haha
.....and now, the bad things. Of course there is something bad...everyday.
I overheard mums talk with dad. Next week I'll have to take a blood test. There is a possibility of hospitalization. I'm scared.

The best day ever...well, not ever, but in a while. Omg, I love him too much. Yes I do.. :) 

I'll post later, don't have time now, but is finally everything getting better? 

Today wasn't that bad. I thought it will be worse. So, we got together..she admitted being angry on Friday, but now, everything is fine. We talked as we do every day. But, I still feel that distance between us, and dunno how, but I'm gonna fix everything. Even if it's not my fault.This friendship will not be thrown out the window.
She told me that he asked for me. Well, I have one thing to say...: Die madda fucka! ...I'm sick of him and his attitude..haha, we are not talking for a month now ( actually for 3 weeks, but still) and now he asks for me...damn it, then talk to me in school if you miss me, if you're interested. Yeah, I ....him (I hate that L word). Idiot got drunk on Friday, and I'm guessing that's the reason he asked for me.
And I realized I'm on my own...left without nobody....I'm fed up of these pathetic posts...from tomorrow I'm gonna write just about positive things :)
This is just random stuff..I bet I don't even make any sense...hahah..

p.s. freaked out about the holidays. :/

I'm seriously considering about putting my pic..but..don't know.

Changed the design..haha, I don't even like this pinkish-peach color. Whatever, this is not the point.
M didn't call me for two days now. I always have to fuck things up with my friends. And I love her so much. I still  feel like it wasn't my fault.What's gonna happen tomorrow? But then again, she fucked up even more than I did.
Let me explain..we had a fight about some foolish little thing, and it was my fault (I'm still not admitting it). Later, I got depressed, I cried so much. It can be called a mini nervous breakdown. So, I sent her a text, saying how much I love her, how I apologize for everything, how I don't want her mad and how I feel ugly and fat and worthless. I told her that I'm sick of playing second fiddle with every single living thing on this planet. And all she said to me was: "I feel the same, and I love you. Now, leave me alone."
I ended up hating her and cutting after that text. But I miss her. She is my future roommate, we planned everything out. I guess that nowdays boyfriends come first. I get this strange vibe that she doesn't trust me anymore, and I can't see why. Like, we have been friends over 5 years, and I was always beside her, my friendship with her is probably the one thing I'm successful in...or was...dunno...

...and finally, I got my eyebrows done. I'm happy. Plus, my sister told me that I'm gonna get a scale from grandparents for Christmas..Earth calling grandparents, I have an ed...but still, I'm happy. Mine broke a month ago, but I'm getting a new, pretty one. It's black. I'm gonna put some pink stars on it. Hahah :D

...and I have 3 followers..haha, kinda pathetic, but I don't care.It's not that I'm not aware that I'm boring. Thank you for being my followers. Love you all. :]

...if I continue like this, my purging type anorexia will turn into bulimia.. -.-

I haven't posted in few days...I couldn't..plus, I didn't want to. Birthday was good, yeah..but I ate so much, at least 3000 calories. Stupid bitch made me eat all that. I did cut again, after that...oh..I don't even know what to say. I feel horrible..alone, depressed, worthless..but I'll be fine in couple of days...it's the way it goes...plus, I broke my record...purged 10 times in a day...brava, just, bravaa...I'll stop it. I know it.

Hahaha...so I flew over the threshold, like I never did it before. My leg is bleeding and it hurts so bad. But...hahahah, I was running to get the phone and slipped and BAAAM. Laura is on the floor. Oh, and I hit my chin too

Broke my 5 days fast. Binged. Purged. Had a fight with mom. Got two As in school. Feel like hell....other than that, everything has been fine..and I got so pissed off by some comments on PT...like, obesity is an ed too, yes it this. Leave fat people alone. Why? Because they can be very pretty and nice persons...and the most important thing...they have a disorder whether you accept that or not...otherwise they wouldn't be on that site asking for support. You don't wanna be fat, neither do I, but that doesn't give me the right to insult somebody who is fatter...just..fuck off.

I was too busy last night...I cleaned my room, my closet, I even cleaned the bathroom...then I polished my nails and washed my hair...and then I read a book...so I was busy enough to forget to come back and post something...I fell a sleep at around 5 am, and woke up at 6.45 am, for school..

And damn, while I was showering, I found a bump, and, like....is it breast cancer?? Hahaha, I just can't believe what's happening to me...and I know that this is not supposed to be funny, but...whatever.

...I have a blog, hu?

...I made my blog....hahaha this is funny ^^ ..So, my name is Laura, and I'm almost 18..yes, I have an ED, yes I was diagnosed, and I did try to kill myself..what a happy way to start a blog. According to my psychologist, I'm emotionally shut down, so I guess talking about me and my feelings will be hard, but I'll try :)
I hope this blog won't end like most of my diaries - in the garbage, and I hope I won't get bored of it...
Special thanks to Shannice , who was kind enough to explain me how to make this,
since I'm technology dumb ^^ , and lots of love to Sabrina and Christina <3