I fucking hate everything. Fucking schools started, and I hate it. Already have too much work to do.
One of my class mates said to me: "Omg, I'm on a diet. I have to fucking look like you until prom. You are lucky". Fuck you, you fucking ignorant idiot. I am lucky? How the fuck can I be lucky?
At one moment, I got paranoid. It was a small 5 minute break after philosophy, and everybody had food. A girl that sits with me, offered her coconut/rice cookie. I took two.

Purged, I purged in the school toilette.  I'm hideous. I promised myself not to purge in high school, never ever never. And I fucking didn't for 3 and a half years, and now, NOW when I have 4 more months until finishing it I HAD TO??
Then, I got home, around 8 pm. And ate again. The cookie was around 4 pm.
So, for dinner I had a bite of chicken, three bites of potato, broccoli sauce and PIZZA. HOW STUPID I CAN BE?

Purged it.

And I purged again. Just finished few minutes ago. And I purged on lemonade. My chest hurt and burn. My throat is burning. My nose is bleeding.

So, if I'm going through all this shit (not counting my fucked up spine and messed up kidneys with my orange pee), why the hell am I not losing then? Why am I gaining. I gained 3.6 fucking pounds. I'm embarrassed.

....fuck shit. How can I possibly think of recovery? I will shut the fuck up about it. Talking and making plans about How will I feel better is just mean.
I deeply and from all my heart apologize to all of you who are recovering. I am a hypocrite, and someone who is actually trying to recover can be offended by my words. I apologize again.

Oh wow. This is a long post. Oopsie.